Make sure my foley is secure.
Smuggle my dog in and so we can implement an order for continuous pup snuggles until discontinued.
Don’t be mad if I live-tweet your IV insertion, central line dressing change, lab draws, hanging of IV fluids and IVBP meds, etc. And you better retweet them or I’ll unfollow you. But only for like a day or so. I’m not heartless.
Hoard ginger ale in my room.
Don’t ever let my blankets touch the floor.
Don’t be mad when I silence my own IV pump and titrate my drips.
Do all your charting in my room so no one will bother you.. or me.
Wait until you walk me to the bathroom to sneak a butt-peak rather than making me show you my butt. And then chart that I have an absolutely breathtaking hiney.
Don’t wake me up to assess me until my 0900 meds. I won’t tell, I promise.
If I have a code brown, don’t tell anyone and blame it on the guy across the hall.