Nurse Bullying: 5 Tips to Deal With Mean Coworkers – from a Nurse!

by | Jan 24, 2017 | Nurse Life, New Grad Nurse | 7 comments

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A culture of negativity is not something very obvious and apparent. Nurse bullying can actually be quite subtle. A comment here, an eye roll there, gossip in the dictation room, or a passive aggressive sigh.  It can be really hard to navigate this at any point in your career, but it is especially difficult for people who are new to the profession.

I think one of the most important ways to survive working in a negative unit culture and dealing with nurse bullying, and maybe even potentially shift the culture, is this:

Be outside of the negativity, not within it.

I’ve outlined some practical tips for those of you who find yourselves in the thick this situation:

Nurse Bullying How to Deal With Mean Coworkers

1. When people around you start being negative, don’t participate

Simply be silent. It’s a little awkward at first, but people will soon learn that they can’t go to you to talk about people or complain. It’s kind of like getting used to the awkward silence that’s necessary when supporting your patients. I’ve done this. It takes time, but it works.

2. When people start talking negatively, provide a positive point for every negative one

So if they’re talking about how stupid an employee is, bring up times when they were smart or did something great. Counteract the negativity… soon, it won’t be fun bringing up the things they think are funny because you’re forcing them to think about the positive things.

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3. Learn about some things the informal leaders enjoy that is NOT negative, and spark up conversations about it

Be engaged and interested when they start talking about that, and completely disengage when they start to be negative.

4. Be unapologetic about being positive

If you’re doing something the informal leaders think is lame, like pulling a policy they think you should know, or giving you heck for being involved in shared governance, just be you and do what you want. Talk about it with others positively in front of them; show that you’re not scared to go against the negative grain.

5. Be all business when it’s black and white clinical stuff

If they’re simply not doing their job, in an all-business way, call them out.

  • “Hey Mary, your alarms keep going off for no reason. Can you go adjust them so we don’t keep thinking it’s our patient?”
  • “Hey Joanna I love you but, I’ve answered about 19 of the last 20 of your call lights while you kick it here in the nurse’s station.”
  • “Hey Joe, I’m going to need you to quit calling out last minute! You really left is in a bind!”
  • **Everyone is sitting at the nurse’s station and Sarah’s patient is alarming again and she’s not getting up to address it, hoping someone else will** “Sarah, looks like your patient is going off again!”

But don’t stop there – the most important aspect of this is not shunning them after you say something like this. Call them out respectfully, but don’t treat them differently. “Hey Sarah, your patient’s alarm is going off again.  What did you bring for  lunch?”

6. Only bring a manager in when absolutely necessary

Part of professional accountability is holding each other accountable, not having to bring in a 3rd party who wasn’t there. It merely turns into “he said she said” and minimal progress is made.  We are professional nurses; we should be able to speak to each other when someone isn’t pulling their weight. The manager should be brought in for serious things that can’t be mediated between one another. 

A lot of people just want the manager to step in and fix something, but the manager isn’t there to see the subtle behavior; you and your colleagues are.  Some people also don’t want to “get involved” but they want to complain. If you’re frustrated enough to complain about it, be professional and speak to them about it.

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7. Don’t always assume it’s laziness or malicious

Maybe someone seriously doesn’t know what they’re supposed to do and whenever they’ve asked for someone to explain it, they get brushed off. If someone keeps forgetting to chart something, or doesn’t adjust their alarms, take a second to show them how and answer any questions before assuming they’re being lazy.

8. Be quick to admit when you’re wrong

Set an example of it being okay to be wrong and to not be perfect. Many times, mean and negative coworkers set this unrealistic example of what they expect people to be like. Showing fault or flaw in themselves is unthinkable because they must maintain their tough exterior. Fear is one of the biggest motivators! Take ALL the power from that and make it okay to be wrong and to ask for help.  Model that mentality. Be the change you want to see in others.

Final Thoughts on Nurse Bullying

I hope these practical steps and talking points will help you the next time you find yourself in a negative situation. Remember, just because other people are negative does not mean you need to be. You can still be a positive, joyful person. Bullies and negative people do not get to dictate who you are.  Be empowered to be you!

We can never change someone else’s behavior, but we can change how we perceive it. We can take away the power they think they have. So what if they think I’m lame because I go to committee meetings? I enjoy them. I enjoy my job. I enjoy my life. That’s what matters, not what some negative person thinks about me.

If someone is being negative or demeaning to you, do not give it any power or make you think less of yourself. Release the power that has on you. You are way too awesome to let a complacent and negative person take that away from you!

More Resources for Nurse Bullying

Picture of Kati Kleber, founder of FRESHRN

Hi, I’m Kati.

Kati Kleber, MSN RN is a nurse educator, author, national speaker, host of the FreshRN® Podcast, and owner of FreshRN® – an online platform created to educate, encourage, and motivate newly licensed nurses in innovative ways.

Connect with her on YouTube, Pinterest, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, and sign-up for her free email newsletter for new nurses.

7 Comments

  1. Nick Angelis

    I almost feel guilty because I would set my alarms to see how many times I could get my OCD coworker to get out of his chair and silence them. I love being goofy at work, but we all have those coworkers so enthralled by their own witty cleverness that they hamper productivity–at my work that’s me, like when I bring cans if soup for the coat drive.

    Reply
    • FRESHRN

      Ha! But if I know you’re messing with me, that’s one thing… but if you’re being lazy then I’ll lose my mind. Kind of like the time when the night shift was coming in soon and they were all like 5’4″ and shorter, so myself and the other tall day shifters put all of the IV poles super high so they couldn’t reach their bags. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

      Reply
  2. esther

    what excellent set of suggestions!! Practical and wise. thank you! i wonder if there are more things we can do about it – make some real changes. i have a pickle/ or a puzzle – however you want to see it – dealing with a group of people at my work – i wonder if there is a forum to discuss that…anyway, thanks for the article, bringing together lot of helpful tips.

    Reply
    • Kati Kleber, BSN RN CCRN

      Thanks Esther! I’m currently trying to explore technology to get a forum together for my platform, so stay tuned! I think that would be really beneficial.

      Reply
  3. Kristen

    Problem is some nurses in charge would rather pick and choose who they like. Too many CNAs and new nurses getting bullied out here and we should all be a team

    Reply
  4. Sisterdisco

    Having difficulty with staff at new job, been nurse for well over 15 years. Feels like unprofessional, disorganized, chaotic and loud unit, unable find supplies. Swearing and lots joking not knowing when serious or not.
    Bullying, don’t know what really needs be done at times as one says this and other says that. One dr group particular hard get situations addressed if at all, they want you do their work.
    Techs not all accountable.
    Many patients very needy and demanding and staff does not have your back even if you are doing everything for Patient.

    Reply
    • Kati Kleber, MSN RN

      Over the years, I have come to the realization that the best way (in my opinion) to deal with bullying is assertiveness. We’re not going to change others, and pointing it out doesn’t really get us that far. I think being someone who is kind, warm, and assertive is the best way to navigate these situations. It means you’re not going to steamroll others, and you’re also not going to let yourself get walked over. This is my favorite resource for becoming more assertive: https://www.amazon.com/Assertiveness-Guide-Women-Communicate-Relationships/dp/1626253374 While it says it’s for women, it’s really for anyone. There are only a few aspects that are specifically directed at the female experience.

      Reply

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