Venting vs Ruminating: How to Know When You’re Helping Yourself—or Hurting

by | Apr 24, 2025 | Mental Wellness and Self Care for Nurses, Vitals + Vibes | 0 comments

Vitals + Vibes

Welcome to Vitals & Vibes—a series created just for new nurses navigating the real world of patient care – written by Kati Kleber, MSN RN. These quick reads are packed with practical tips, mindset shifts, and bedside wisdom to help you build confidence, one shift at a time. Whether you’re fresh off orientation or just trying to find your rhythm, this is your space to breathe, learn, and grow.

We’ve all been there.

You clock out after a brutal shift. Maybe a patient yelled at you, or a co-worker threw you under the bus (again), or a doctor made a snide comment that hit just a little too hard. You find a friend, a partner, or your dog, and just… let it out.

Cue the venting session.

But here’s the thing: sometimes what starts as venting slowly morphs into something heavier. Instead of feeling better, you’re spinning. You replay that interaction again and again. You try to “fix” it in your head. You rehearse what you should have said. Your chest tightens. You feel angrier. More frustrated. More helpless.

Sound familiar?

Let’s talk about the difference between venting and ruminating, because they are not the same thing. Understanding the difference can help you protect your mental health both on and off the unit.

🌬️ Venting: A Pressure Release Valve

Venting is healthy. Needed, even.

It’s that quick emotional exhale after holding your breath all shift. A short, emotionally honest moment where you say, “That was hard. That sucked. I need to get it off my chest.”

You let it out. Maybe you cry. Maybe you rage-text a friend. Maybe you tell your spouse over dinner. But then, you feel lighter. You don’t stew in it all night. You might still be annoyed, but you can move on with your day.

Signs you’re venting

  • You feel better afterward
  • You don’t repeat the same story five times
  • You’re open to calming down or finding a solution
  • Your body starts to relax—slower breathing, less tension

It’s emotional first aid. And in this job, it’s essential.

🔁 Ruminating: The Mental Hamster Wheel

Ruminating feels like venting… at first.

But instead of leading to relief, it traps you in a mental loop. You keep thinking about it. You rehash every detail. You get more upset, not less. You can’t sleep because your brain is still holding that staff meeting where you got side-eyed into silence.

Rumination is your brain’s attempt to solve something that probably can’t be solved, at least not through thinking alone. It feels like control, but it’s actually anxiety in disguise.

Signs you’re ruminating

  • You feel worse as time goes on
  • You’re replaying the moment over and over
  • You’re focused on things you can’t change
  • You’re still mentally arguing with someone who’s long gone

It’s exhausting. And it doesn’t fix anything.

So… Which One Are You Doing?

Ask yourself:

  • ✅ Do I feel relieved after talking about it?
  • ❌ Or do I feel more upset, stuck, and anxious?

If you’re in the latter category—no shame. It happens to all of us, especially when we’re tired, overstimulated, and running on three granola bars and caffeine fumes.

But the key is noticing when you’ve slipped from venting into rumination—and then gently shifting out of that cycle.

Breaking the Cycle

If you catch yourself ruminating, try this:

  • ✍️ Write it out – Get the thoughts out of your head and onto paper. No judgment.
  • 🚶‍♀️ Move your body – A short walk, stretch, or shower can break the thought loop.
  • 🤝 Talk to someone who listens without fueling the fire – Validation is helpful. Drama rehashing? Not so much.
  • 🧠 Reframe – “What do I actually need right now?” Maybe it’s sleep. Maybe it’s boundaries. Maybe it’s tacos.
  • 🌿 Regulate your nervous system – Deep breathing, grounding techniques, or a good cry can shift you back into calm.

Bottom Line

In nursing (and, let’s be real, life), it’s normal—and healthy—to need a good vent session. But if you notice you’re spinning your wheels instead of moving forward, you might be ruminating.

The goal isn’t to suppress your emotions. It’s to process them in a way that actually helps.

You deserve to feel better. And knowing the difference between venting and ruminating? That’s a powerful first step.

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Picture of Kati Kleber, founder of FRESHRN

Hi, I’m Kati.

I'm a nurse educator, author, national speaker, and host of the FreshRN® Podcast. I created FreshRN® – an online platform meant to educate, encourage, and motivate newly licensed nurses in innovative ways.

Connect with me on YouTube, Pinterest, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook, and sign-up for my free email newsletter for new nurses.

Learn about FreshRN’s mission and values as well as my professional background.

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