A great preceptor can build your confidence and help you thrive in those first overwhelming weeks. But a toxic one? They can make you question your career choice altogether. 😣
I was fortunate enough to have very positive experiences, but I know many are not so lucky. Some preceptors are simply overbearing or disengaged—but sometimes, their behavior crosses a line into something more harmful: bullying. And sometimes it can be hard to tell if that’s what it really is. And maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it, but something just doesn’t feel right. If you’re feeling anxious, confused, or defeated every time you’re around your preceptor, it’s definitely worth digging a little deeper.
Bullying from a Preceptor Might Look Like… 🚩
Here are a few red flags that may indicate your preceptor is crossing from tough love into unhealthy behavior:
- Speaking down to you: “Wow, even a nursing student would know that.”
- Micromanaging everything you do: “No, don’t do it like that, just let me do it, clearly you’re not ready.”
- Acting kind to your face but you overhear them talking about you negatively behind your back: “She’s nice enough, but honestly, I don’t know how she made it through nursing school.”
- They treat teaching you as a burden or chore: “Ugh, I don’t have time to babysit today.”
- Ignoring your requests for help or clarification: [Silence followed by walking away or responding with] “Figure it out, this isn’t school anymore.”
- Setting you up to fail: “Yeah, go ahead and hang that drip, what could go wrong?”
- They are literally taking your things: “Oh, was that your lunch? Too late.”
- Sabotaging your learning opportunities: “You’re on bed baths all shift (again). I’ll handle the admits.”
- Leaving the unit for extended times without telling you: “If you need me, too bad, I’m on break.”
- Talking over you in front of patients or providers: “Actually, what she meant to say was…”
- Giving destructive—not constructive—criticism: “That was pathetic. Don’t ever do it like that again.”
- Changing expectations constantly and criticizing you when you’re confused: “What do you mean you thought you only had two patients today? This is real life.”
- Publicly embarrassing or mocking you: “Seriously? You don’t know the normal potassium range? Yikes.”
- Showing blatant favoritism to other new nurses on the unit: “Oh, I’ll show her how to do it, she actually gets it.”
- Using body language like eye rolls, sighs, or ignoring your questions: [Heavy sigh] “Are you seriously asking me that again?”
If any of that sounds familiar, please hear this: it’s not okay. Becoming a nurse is hard enough on its own without adding all the negativity. You deserve a supportive learning environment. Period.
It’s Not You—It’s Them
Emotionally mature people don’t get their kicks from tearing others down. They don’t offload their own insecurities by targeting the newest nurse on the unit.
If your preceptor is showing patterns of disrespect, it’s a reflection of their own inner self, not your competence or worth. You’re likely not the first nurse they’ve treated this way, and unfortunately, you might not be the last. (And we’re probably not going to fix it all with one interaction, so don’t feel disappointed in yourself if you can’t take the most negative person on the unit and inspire them to undergo an entire personality overhaul.)
That said, you’re not powerless.
Your First Step: Protect Your Mental Space
As hard as it sounds, try not to take their behavior personally. Stay grounded in the reality that their actions are about them, not you. I’m guessing they treat most preceptees this way, and it’s not about you specifically; unfortunately, this is how this person has learned how to treat others and cope with their own negative emotions.
Your energy is better spent setting boundaries and staying objective, rather than trying to win them over. Remain calm, professional, and consistent. Make it clear (through your words and actions) that disrespect isn’t something you’ll accept. It may not change their behavior entirely, but it will protect you.
Practical Next Step: Assertiveness
One of the most effective tools you can use here is assertiveness. Calm, confident communication that advocates for your needs without disrespecting others.
Two books I highly recommend:
📘 The Assertiveness Guide for Women (helpful for anyone, despite the title)
📘 The Assertiveness Workbook
Both are linked in my Amazon Book Recommendations, and they’re incredibly helpful for navigating difficult dynamics—at work and beyond.
Also, check out this Instagram Reel I shared about assertiveness and read the comments. You’ll find real stories from nurses who were being bullied, stood their ground, and reclaimed their confidence.
When Support Isn’t Built In, Build Your Own
While it may feel unfair that the person being bullied has to do the work to navigate the situation, that’s often the reality. Management isn’t always present to witness the snide comments or step in when they should. That’s why learning how to be in those moments and advocate for yourself, calmly and confidently, becomes such an important skill.
Yes, it might feel intimidating at first, but like everything, it gets easier with practice. And these skills don’t just help you at work… they translate into every area of your life.
This may be your first time navigating workplace dynamics as a licensed professional, but it won’t be the last. Learning to assert yourself now, even in small ways, sets a strong foundation for your entire career.
You belong here, and you’ve got more power than you think.
Until next time,
Kati 🪴
Vitals & VibesWelcome to Vitals & Vibes—a series created just for new nurses navigating the real world of patient care – written by Kati Kleber, MSN RN. These quick reads are packed with practical tips, mindset shifts, and bedside wisdom to help you build confidence, one shift at a time. Whether you’re fresh off orientation…
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